1. Belgium reveal their act in mid-September. A sleepy fandom awakes.

2. San Marino confirm they will be having a national final. Little did we know what was to come…

3. Host city when? Insert spinning pizza GIF.

4. First rumours of Mika hosting Eurovision.

5. Mika’s team deny it.

6. TURIN!

7. Chelcee Grimes rumour for the UK begins. An intern at Heart Radio takes note.

8. MONTENEGRO AND ARMENIA ARE BACK!

9. Mika denies hosting rumours…again.

10. Her.

11. X Factor Israel gets underway. This can largely be ignored until February.

12. Him.

13. Eesti Laul begins, a Continent is underwhelmed.

14. Estonian refuse collectors also do showbiz.

15. Bulgaria confirms their artist. With all these early announcements it feels like most of them won’t leave till the last minute like 2021. Nope.

16. Una Voce Per San Marino unveil the first list of artists. If you’re Sammarinese and can hold a note, you’re in!

17. Intention is the first song of the year. Bar set veeeeery low.

18. Azucar Moreno confirmed for Benidorm Fest. Backing track timings are checked and doubled checked.

19. S10 unveiled. Mobile phone or Dutch singer? Who knows!

20. Eskimo Callboy confirm submission. This can only end well.

21. Czech has first NF proper. You could watch a 10 minute reveal video in full or skip to the end to get the winner. Maybe do a live stream next time?

22. Czech jurors all from 2015-21 except…UK and Ireland. Instead, we get 1981 & 1994.

23. Festivali i Këngës happened. I missed it all. Sorry.

24. Can you guess who this Montenegrin baby is? No, of course, you couldn’t. A picture of a baby isn’t a clue.

25. Latvian songs released with a surprising amount of cunnilingus.

26. Pabandom iš naujo! gets underway. 2022 properly gets going.

27. If you didn’t think Voldemars was a little odd beforehand, well…

28. Barbara Pravi is playing a concert in Lithuania. You will be reminded of this on a weekly basis.

29. MGP acts confirmed. Wolf based mystery begins.

30. In The Shadows gets stuck in the fandom’s head for a day.

31. EXISTENTIAL FLAMINGO!

32. Who’d have thought washing machines were going to feature in Eurovision songs, two years in a row!

33. Lolita Zero

34. Tone deaf idiocy as George Floyd used in an Irish official video.

35. “The Sound of Beauty” unveiled to swathes of indifference.

36. Luna Ki kicks off.

37. Mika rumours…again.

38. Missycatlove happens.

39. BENIDORM FEST!

40. Everything Alaska said and did.

41. Salvador Sobral???

42. SILENCIO EUROFANS!

43. Chanel wins the first semi. And thus seeing that same edit in the replies to every official Eurovision account tweet begins.

44. Semi final 2, everything seems quite norma…BOOB GLOBE!

45. This cursed thumbnail.

46. Moldovan livestream lasts hours

47. Singer can’t learn song.

48. S***a B******v

49. MAGIC CARPET!

50. The only time she genuinely smiled was the last song of the afternoon.

51. When Vaidotas showed up dressed as the opening sequence of The Simpsons.

52. HAMMER OF THOR!

53. Juries hate Terra. Chanel wins.

54. RIP Boob Globe

55. Sanremo. Sub-section commences

  • Achille’s baptism opening the week
  • “Sanremo flowers for you ladies sure”
  • Fiorello’s entrance
  • That screenshot of Fiorello and Amadeus looking shocked.
  • Ciao ciao
  • Amadeus driving Maneskin to the Ariston
  • Maneskin’s performances
  • Oreitta Berti’s show stealing wardrobe
  • Dove si balla being the single greatest anthem of all time
  • Gianni Morandi’s boundless energy
  • Whatever this was.
  • Having “Chi-chi-chi-chi-chi-chi-chimica, chimica” stuck in your head all week
  • Mika confirmed as one of the hosts
  • Mika’s team don’t deny it on this occasion
  • Emma & Francesca’s embrace of friendship
  • FantaSanremo
  • Rkomi forgetting how to get dressed
  • Drusilla Foer being the perfect guest host
  • Achille & Loredana
  • Gianni & Jovanotti
  • The best single performance of the national final season.
  • The angel and devil in your ears

56. Semi-finals back to BBC 3, no more Bob Ross lead up.

57. Elina Nechayeva landing back to earth with a thud.

58. Watching an hour of random Macedonian telly cause we collectively got the time wrong.

59. The fact Superman very nearly made it to Eurovision.

60. Every remarkably dumb thing the “expert” Irish panel said.

61. Our lord and saviour.

62. Auntie Maureen

63. Melfest is back…and the app does’t work!

64. Malou Prytz can’t spell bananas.

65. Omar Rudberg goes out in the first heat, cue Twitter meltdown.

66. Beautiful song about heartbreak wins the first Melfest heat, an infatuation begins.

67. What on earth this was in Latvia.

68. Woah, woah woah…was he playing guitar with his hands on fire?

69. They don’t even actually say it!

70. Appinata

71. Fresh from Sanremo Achille Lauro is confirmed for Una Voce Per San Marino. A fandom hopes…

72. France finally remembers Eurovision exists and they’re a part of it.

73. Vidbir actually happened. Feels like another lifetime ago.

74. Go_A’s show opener. Jaw droppingly good.

75. WE ARE LAKE MALAWI FROM THE CZECH REPUBLIC…’S DADS.

76. The actual Stefania making an appearance.

77. EINE KLEINE DING DONG!

78. The Ukrainian scoreboard goes missing…bring out the pen and paper.

79. Alina Pash enjoys her victory. For a bit.

80. Kalush Orchestra take their defeat really well.

81. Their drummer is a dinosaur!!!

82. Oh, they’re out now. Bye bye T-Rex.

83. Illinca’s yodelling interval act showing up the entirety of the actual lineup.

84. Una Voce Per San Marino finally makes it on the telly. The four people crammed inside that tiny thatre go wild!

85. Windows XP audio player visuals experiencing a renaissance in San Marino

86. Ukrainian artist withdraws due to Crimea related controversy. Again.

87. That guy in San Marino wearing the leotard with the hypnotic penis.

88. Elis Mraz’s fall from not quite grace.

89. Sammarinese telly ads giving Malta a run for their money.

90. Speaking of which…HAMILTON TRAVEL! VISIT GOZO! IRA LOSCO’S KITCHEN!

91. Malta doing Fiorello’s shtick

92. Aidan giving all the rootin’ tootin’ energy of the Wild West.

93. Rafal returns to host the national final. The Ride given more focus than most of the actual acts.

94. Jon Ola is turning into Penfold.

95. Poland does a bit for San Marino and San Marino does a bit for Poland.

96. An entire performance done in sign language, one of the most important of the year.

97. Senhit.

98. Senhit & Al Bano.

99. Senhit & Valentina.

100. Destiny returns to MESC as interval act. Is instantly far superior to all competitors.

101. ACHILLE LAURO IS ACTUALLY GOING TO EUROVISION!

102. A country originally in the lineup is thrown out.

103. Australia: “We’re lifting the geoblock”, SBS: Nah, not quite mate.

104: Keiino & Montaigne together.

105. Myf & Joel being perfect hosts.

106: Hold on, what time is the televote closing???

107: Everything about Jaguar Jonze’s perfect performance.

108: Them.

109: Bergendahl continuing this year’s inexplicable cowboy theming.

110: Whatever the hell this was. I’m still not really sure what it was.

111: Finland picking one of the biggest names to ever come from Finland. Shocking!

112: That Serbian dude with the beard returns in their national final green room. He’s always there…

113: Serbian Nurse Ratched washes her hands whilst singing about Meghan Markle. Well, I won’t have to think about that again.

114: Hurricane’s covers interval act. An absolute treat.

115: In a world of madness we all need a bit more Babs.

116: Malik Harris’ Dad living his best life.

117: Malik then doing this.

118: Emily Roberts could’ve done with the same strategy that woman in Moldova had.

119: This lad.

120: That performance from Jamala. A more powerful moment we have never seen.

121: Felicia Liu, 8 points. Mael & Jonas, 10 points. Malik Harris, 12 points.

122: That poor German lad’s arse crack.

123: This chaotic green room.

124: Fuld Effekt’s full on, thoroughly un-Danish performance.

125: This utterly terrifying children’s character in Sweden.

126: Romania basically doing a mini pre-party as their interval act.

127: We Are Domi’s in-ear issues.

128: Ronela shaking what her Momma gave her.

129: French jurors being chaotic for yet another year.

130: #TeamSynthHarp

131: “It’s a no…I’m not agree…at all”

132: See no. 113… well I’ll be damned!

133: Portugal say no to queer fado. For shame.

134: The Serbian interval act that lasted longer than the entire French voting sequence.

135: Is that the last week of the season? HERE COME THE INTERNALS!

136: Circus Mircus taking a stand. And releasing an absolute diamond.

137: After months of nothing…TaP: Oh, it’s tomorrow by the way.

138: Scott Mills’ speech

139: The song is out…and people like it??? What is this feeling?

140: The official Eurovision cassette tape.

141: A welcome return to a full Friends Arena

142: UK…and Glasgow

143: Songvekeppnin opening with Husavik parody because why not!

144: Tone Sekelius in all her glory

145: Medina’s reaction to them receiving the first jury 12 points.

146: The Czech juror blanking Cornelia

147: Tali Eshkoli being a voice of reason for once.

148: Italy fans vs. Sweden fans.

149: Daði incorporating Te Deum in 10 Years.

150: Tusse trying to plough his way through Icelandic Tinder.

151: Pepperoni Passion passing round their pizza in the FdC green room.

152: Never-ending Portuguese voting recaps.

153: The FdC interval act bring together the hosts, all the acts, Suzy, Claudia Pascoal & Elisa.

154: The singer of Saudade in 2021 giving 12 points to Saudade, saudade in 2022.

155: Armenia & Azerbaijan…

156: This tweet.

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