Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. We’re Eurovision fans, opinions are our stock in trade. Until those points start rolling in on that Saturday night in May opinions, rankings and predictions are all we have. However, when someone comes along with such an egregious point of view so poorly researched we, as a community, are going to have…some thoughts.

I’m sure you know the opinion piece I’m talking about by now. I’m going to quote it here so don’t worry if you’ve not read it. Don’t go looking for it, don’t go giving it the time of day or indeed the clicks for advertising revenue. Right, let’s start with the tweet promoting the link.

Geographic realities to be ignored? Yes, in all fairness that is correct. But that’s fine. Music knows no boundaries, so if there’s a willingness from all concerned to continue ignoring a map for the sake of entertainment then why not! Jingoistic bias? Or maybe neighbouring countries sharing cultures and music industries. Musical mediocrity…oh, we will come to that.

Why is Australia gate-crashing Eurovision again? Has everyone involved conveniently forgotten that in matters of credibility, Eurovision is about two notches below I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here? Outside of ABBA, Lulu and Celine Dion – and with all due respect to the Brotherhood of Man, Bucks Fizz, a bearded lady named Conchita and some Nordic metal band dressed as vikings – how many past winners have gone on to storied careers?

OK then. I would genuinely like to know what lies in between I’m a Celeb and Eurovision in terms of credibility? I reckon most would probably put a music competition above a programme where someone eats an anus. Past winners going on to storied careers? Well, the last two victors plus Daði Freyr (the 2020 winner in terms of virality) have all enjoyed recent global success. Although not a winner some Aussies may have heard the name Olivia Newton-John too. Wonder what happened to her…

Cringeworthy, thy name is Eurovision. And yet, bizarrely, Australia’s Sheldon Riley – a competitor on recent local versions of The X Factor and The Voice – will soon be slugging it out with the best from Belarus, the cream of Croatia and the wonders of Wales. Whose kooky idea was this?

  • Belarus are suspended from the competition. Perhaps Belgium could’ve been used here.
  • Croatia. Fine.
  • Despite the BBC disproportinately choosing Welsh artsits they don’t in fact compete as an independent nation.

As Meatloaf never said, one out of three ain’t bad!

Nowadays, is the desire for a shortcut to success so overpowering that young Australian acts decide to strike out for Eurovision glory rather than scale the Everest that is the American music market? I suspect that topping the Billboard charts would be a hell of a lot more satisfying than revelling in Eurovision glory, and yet here we are again, set for further Euro-humiliation.

Måneskin. They are called Måneskin. After winning Sanremo and Eurovision they have gone on to earn American Music Award, Danish Music Award, Brit Award and NME Award nominations as well as winning an MTV Europe Music Award. An appearance on SNL as the musical guest, appearing on the, apparently hallowed, Billboard charts and going top 20 in the Rolling Stone Top 100 proves that in a bold move, you can actually do both.

There’s the inescapable reality that an Australian act will never win Eurovision, given it’s heavily biased – sorry, weighted – voting system. The idea of some kind of pro-Aussie bloc forming deep in Europe during the big vote is about as likely as Paul Keating reforming the Ramrods and steering them to international glory. It’s not going to happen.

Australia literally came second in their second year of competition. Also wondering about these hugely powerful voting blocs that brought recent victories for Portugal, Israel and The Netherlands?

Dear serious journos, maybe just concede to a cursory glance at Wikipedia this year before firing off your tired old copy this year, eh?

This author will be watching Eurovision 2022, and certainly not reading any biographies about Keith Urban.

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