Earlier this week I outlined what I’d ideally like to see and hear from this year’s entrants. Now it’s time to delve into those final few countries and see what they’d be doing in my ideal Contest.


Don’t go back to being the Former Yugoslav Republic of. North suits you so bloody well. Who’d have thought just a change in name* would result in such an improved performance!

*and creative team


Do whatever you like, you’ve got a free pass. It’s going to be hard for any Norwegian act to follow the sweetest, hardest working group in European music but someone’s gonna have to. MGP is always one of the strongest selections and I just hope the special extended version for this year doesn’t dilute the standard. In terms of who you choose though, you do you! *joiks internally*

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Anyone: What you thinking?    Me (always):…


Don’t get too hung up on Junior. We know you’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment but please remember to bring the sort of quality we expect from Poland to the senior Contest as well. It’s been a rough few years what with the NQs an’ all that, maybe have a wee look at what worked in Tel Aviv. Two nations brought back their 2016 entrant and both got good results. Bring Michal Szback.



Keep taking those risks. I made no secret of the fact I was not a fan of Telemoveis but I had a great deal of respect for RTP in choosing it. They took a risk on something that was artistically different from what we traditionally expect to see at the Contest. It was only a few years ago they went and won the ruddy thing by taking a similar risk. In both Telemoveis and Amor Pelos Dois they chose songs that inspired strong emotion either way. Keep it up!


Earlier in the week I suggested Hungary might need to have a look at A Dal, well the same applies to Romania and Selecția Națională. Two years on the trot now the voting system has resulted in the wrong song being sent and two deserved NQs. Maybe look at the voting system, maybe reduce the number of competitors or even switch to an internal selection. Whatever happens, I hope they take a renewed approach.


Don’t bring Kirkirov this year. He’s getting scarier.

I see yer Da’s taken the divorce well.


Queen Valentina, Sir Serhat, Big Jimmie and Tony Hadley supergroup. Will it happen…?

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Give it to Raiven, let her cause a little Kaos!


If you find something that works do not bloody tinker with it. Miki’s Operación Triunfo staging may have been simplistic but it worked. The audio & visual matched up to make you felt like you were in the party despite watching at home. Yet, in May we had the Finders Keepers house, massive pointless robot puppet and a needless Go-Pro. If you’re lucky enough to stumble on a second party banger in 2020 just keep it simple on the visuals.


Lisa Ajax, Renaida, Ace Wilder, Anna Bergendahl, Jessica Andersson, Wiktoria, Mariette, Loreen. Pick one of them. Any one of them. Just not another bloody male soloist.

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Live scenes from the Ahoy Rotterdam on 16th May.


Don’t f**k it up now! As far as I’m concerned the Swiss entries had been steadily ramping up in quality since 2015. Then suddenly after 4 NQs…BOOM! Not only do they qualify with ease, they go and finish fourth. I don’t have any specific requests with regards to artists or genre I just want them to qualify again. Let’s see if they can ‘do a Czech Republic’ and start to build a bit of momentum.


Just get on with it and pick the bloody awesome song we all know you can produce. In recent years it wouldn’t have felt like a national final season without some flavour of Vidbir based controversy. Lads, just have a quiet one this year. Pick an absolute belter of a tune crack on with another top ten finish. Nae faffing about this time!

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Follow the wise words of Mr. Eurovision Apocalypse. He speaks sense.





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