On Tuesday we had a look at the first half of my rankings of the 2017 postcards. But we’ve saved the very best for today. Here we have the countries that put a little thought into it and produced something a wee bit different.

15th – MONTENEGRO 🇲🇪

Much like every other aspect of the Contest for his postcard Slavko just did Slavko. We saw him on stage either in a production or just twirling his massive appendage around. Also doing a little of yoga too just to remind us how incredibly bendy he is. It was also interesting to see leader of the Scottish Conservative party Ruth Davidson in his delegation too.

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Can you spot wee Ruth?

14th – AZERBAIJAN 🇦🇿

Dihaj covered more or less every single classic Postcard cliche in this one forty second clip. In order… walking through home city, playing piano, rehearsing at home, recording with the band, signing autographs, having a drink in a bar, getting a tattoo and then finally playing piano with her daughter. This girl can do it all!

13th – IRELAND 🇮🇪

Aw, I imagine Brendan will sleep well after his big day out for this one. First he got a haircut because his Mum said if he didn’t he wouldn’t get his pocket money. Then he played his guitar. Then went to play table football with his pal. Then he went to a real football stadium. Then he had to go home for his tea. He had fish fingers, chips and beans. Then went to bed.

12th – SWITZERLAND 🇨🇭

Fairly standard for most of it: filming the video, flying to Kyiv, trying to pack your dog in your suitcase etc. But one particular shot stands out. As the two boys are working out in the background Miruna seductively eats a bar of chocolate in the foreground whilst bubbles float in from the top of the screen. Nope. Me neither!

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Your guess is as good as mine?

11th – NETHERLANDS 🇳🇱

This the first glimpse of a country attempting intentional comedy. We see the girls goofing around going clothes shopping basically just taking as much as they can as well as ditching the classy heels for a comfy pair of furry slippers. Proof that O’G3NE can do no wrong.

10th – SAN MARINO 🇸🇲

This postcard contains a number of great examples of the classic head back fake laugh, “we’re having such a lovely time, let’s make it look like we are”. They also seem to interrupt a San Marinese stag do for a selfie at one point. Some of the hi jinks you can get up to in a microstate!

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“I am so ‘appy”

9th – FINLAND 🇫🇮

Similar to Slavko, Lasse & Leena just did what they’d done throughout the Contest. In their case it was be effortlessly cool Finnish hipsters. They started in a derelict warehouse then went shopping for pianos & cool sunglasses. Just generally being the all round awesome couple they definitely are…n’t

8th – DENMARK 🇩🇰

I lost count at the number of different outfits Anja was wearing in her postcard. I’m not sure if this was the intention but this almost feels like a massive in joke. In this postcard she’s basically saying “Look, I do have other clothes! Not just the red dress!”

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7th – MOLDOVA 🇲🇩

You knew the Sunstroke Project were going to be fun even before the first second of their performance. Amongst other things the get pished on cocktails and go to a karaoke booth on their own. YES! To top this Epic Sax Guy joins in with some buskers in a local park at the end. What more do you want?

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6th – ROMANIA 🇷🇴

For those familar with Richard Ayoade’s Travelman this seemed like a mini episode of that but rather than a spindly comedian it’s a sex vampire and his innocent victim. Checking into the hotel and relaxing in the room looks more or less shot for shot Ayoade. This is then followed by an odd local attraction, in this case tandem riding. Alex & Ilinca could maybe do the Romanian version?

5th – BELARUS 🇧🇾

Were it anyone else this would be a fairly run of the mill postcard: picnic, skateboarding, performing. However, thanks to the very presence of Artem and Ksenia it’s elevated to an adorable video of a couple so clearly in love and happy to be performing together. Utterly charming.

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Look how cool they look on skateboards! I want be their friend.

4th – PORTUGAL 🇵🇹

I know officially it was ‘Kyiv 2017: Celebrate Diversity’ but really it should’ve been ‘Kyiv 2017: Salvador Pulls a Funny Face.’ We get another classic from our winner here. The postcard then becomes ‘At Home With the Sobrals’…a sitcom I’d happily watch! Finally he jumps out of frame in Lisbon, jumping back into frame in Kyiv. A very worthy high placing.

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3rd – MACEDONIA 🇲🇰

BABY! BABY! BABY! Fair play to Jana, when every single detail of the Contest is planned to the letter they managed to sneak in a surprise pregnancy announcement. Well played.

2nd – CROATIA 🇭🇷

As a fellow self aggrandising overweight man there’s a lot about this video I can get on board with. Throwing your arms open at random points to look important. Yes. Food is nice. YES. Hills are very hard to walk up. YES! Could’ve been the winner were it not for…

1st – ITALY 🇮🇹

So despite months of being the favourite Francesco failed to even secure a top 5 place on the night. In terms of the postcards, however, this has to go down as one of the best ever. A typical Italian restaurant & bar and filled with customers, waiters, chefs…every single one portrayed by Gabbani! Genius!

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And so there we have it after months & months of being favourite Italy finally win! Not quite the win they were looking for but it’ll have to do!

 

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